Marriage Interview

Derrick and Angelica Porter (not their real names) have been partners in marriage for twenty years. They have been in the marriage relationship for twenty one years and counting. This is a moderately medium age couple. Derrick responded to the interview questions on behalf of the couple. The choice of medium age couple was to provide an insight into marriage while comparing past marriage situation to the modern day situation of dating and marriage. The purpose is to give an idea of marital challenges and diagnose possible disconnect in modern day families and marriages from the ideal situation.

Interview: Question and Response

1) What was your initial attraction to Angelica?

I chose to marry Angelica because she is a loyal friend; she loves, respects, and cares for me the same way I do for her, albeit in many, varied ways. Before we became couples, we had fabulous moments together watching movies and documentaries or relaxing talking on picnic sites.

2) How long did you date before marriage? Why?

We dated for approximately four years, and it is because we had college commitments and financial targets to achieve prior to initiation of marriage.

3) How did you recognize your readiness for marriage?

Gauging whether you are ready for marriage requires a conscious decision making. I made a consideration of her interests, pursuits, finances, and psychological preparedness, in relation to mine. I had to make sure that my financial status and mental strength were in line with the expectations for marriage. In addition, I had to make sure that her pursuits and goals would not be in jeopardy because of the expectations for a married life. This decision relies on logic, knowledge, and faith. It is essential to trust your spouse’s capacity to cope with the expectations of marriage.

4) Did you cohabit before committing to marriage? What is your view on the impact of cohabitation in marriage’s potential for success?

No. I and my wife did not live together before we got married. In the dating process, we both felt that communicating and sharing desires and thoughts with each other was sufficient to understand one another. We already knew that we are compatible with one another without having to live together. Through experiences of older couples, I knew that cohabiting did not improve the chances of a successful marriage, and, therefore, was not necessary.

5) Name one difficulty you have faced in your marriage and what you did to deal with the difficulty.

There is a time we had a communication problem, in the marriage. I became obsessed with authority and a misconception that my opinion was the final decision for the family. I would make decisions without involving Angelica in the process. This created a misunderstanding between the two of us that escalated to other problems. In a dialogue with her, she made me recognize the mistake. I understood that I too would get angry if she made decisions without involving me. I apologized and promised to be willing to care and listen to understand her as I would want her to understand me. The willingness to look at the world through her eyes made me understand the things that I did not know about her. Through dialogue, every moment becomes an opportunity for improving the marriage.

5) What advice can give to a person thinking of getting married?

There are vital elemental values to consider in a partner before engaging with them for marriage. In order to ensure a happy marriage, ensure that the relationship facilitates love, trust, respect, understanding, care, satisfaction, compromise, communication, and congruence of religious and cultural beliefs.

Reflection

The marriage interview was a significant way to understand the institution of marriage through real life experiences. A cardinal lesson from the interview is that marriage is a continuous learning process, in which couples utilize experiences to enhance the quality of marriage. A happy and lasting family depends on a number of factors including love, care, trust, communication, understanding, and forgiveness (Fatima & Ajmal, 2012). Couples can grow these values and build a strong, durable marriage and family, by understanding that marriage is a learning process. The duration of dating is significant in understanding the relationship partner before committing to marriage. It is necessary to have sufficient time to interact and learn the other person. The couple interviewed dated for four years before deciding to marry. Perhaps, that is the reason the marriage endures pressures and temptations to collapse.In addition, realizing the right time to marry is crucial. Taking measures to be ready ensures that the marriage will have the fuel to survive. For instance, achieving a certain level of professional and financial goals is a prerequisite for marriage. It is vital to ensure that the vital resources are available before deciding to transform the relationship into a marriage.

Reference

Fatima, M. & Ajmal, M. (2012). “Happy Marriage: A Qualitative Study”. Pakistan Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(2): 37-42.

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