Happiness in Arranged Marriages
Happiness in Arranged Marriages
Couples in arranged marriages are happier that individuals in non arranged marriages. This is a fact proven through numerous studies. The studies indicate that the divorce rate in nations that practice arranged marriage have divorce rates that are quite low. Marriage is unification of two individuals who desire to share their lives together in eternal bliss. In the western culture, and specifically in US, the idea of arranged marriage does not sound appealing to many. Many Americans argue that love must be the foundation of marriage and that the two people entering into marriage must first love each other. This perception puts arranged marriage to appear like a horrifying act that leads to unhappiness. In the contrary though, arranged marriages are the norm in foreign cultures such as India. Studies have proven that arranged marriages are more fulfilling that non arranged marriage (Bentley, 2011). This is because arranged marriages are love-based, but on a mission to find happiness and satisfaction as husband and wife. Love grows gradually from the day of the wedding and continues for life.
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Arranged marriage is the root of Indian families as the culture does not appreciate western practices such as dating before marriage. Surprisingly, though most American loath arranged marriages like practice in India, the divorce rate is low in arranged marriages. In India, marriage is arranged, but the bride and the groom have the choice to agree or refuse to proceed with the marriage. In most marriages, there is a period where the groom’s family and that of the bride get to meet. This is, however, different from the western culture in which the boy and girl meet without their parent’s knowledge. If the Indian the bride feels that she does not wish to get married to the person presented to him, then she can say so (Barker, 2011). Most American look at arranged marriage like a forced marriage. In an arranged marriage, the bride and the groom have a choice over the partner presented by their parents. The forced arrangement, on the other hand, does not give the groom or bride a choice. Whether the groom or bride likes it or not, s/he must marry the individual presented.
Couples in arranged marriages are happier as they get to learn and discover about each other after marriage. Since the marriage is arranged, when the two first meet, there is no love. However, there is a sense of liking which later develops to love. Most people in non arranged marriages first love then get marriage. Unfortunately, most of these marriages do not last as the love slowly fades. The fact that the American couple is overwhelmed by responsibilities in career, and or family leaves the element of love in the non arranged marriage missing. In the US, love is high soon after marriage, and it gradually dwindles until its non existence. In arranged marriages, love is non existence and the marriage couple embarks on a journey to ignite love. The element of love thus begins slowly and gradually increases. According to a study by Barker (2011), love in arranged marriages is twice higher than love in non arranged marriages. Critics, however, argue that happiness is not guaranteed in arranged marriage as the married couple may later realize they are not compatible. This is true but it is rare as the partners can make their choice. Marriage is also not a union between two perfect people. Everyone has flaws, and in marriage one learns to ignore the flaws and focus on the positive aspects of the union.
The rate of happiness in arranged marriages is also measured by the rate of divorce. In arranged marriages, the rate of divorce is low compared to non arranged marriages as is the case in the western culture. Divorce in non-arranged marriage is high because the couple could have had high expectation of each other. Unfortunately, after marriage a groom can realize that the bride does not meet his expectations of a wife. The bride, on the other hand, can also realize that the groom is not up to her standards. It is the setting of standards that destroys the marriage from the start. Non arranged marriages are also based on love, and when the love begins to dwindle the couple realizes they can no longer live as husband and wife. In arranged marriages such as that found in the Indian culture, divorce is rare. Arranged marriages are about learning each other (Bentley, 2011). In an effort to learn about each other, the couple in an arranged marriage finds ways to compromise. This is based on the perception that marriage is for life hence divorce is the final measure after trying out everything else to make the relationship work. Couples in arranged marriages also do not have unrealistic expectations. As they enter into marriage, the couple in an arranged marriage does not expect that each will fulfill each other’s emotional needs. This is because they are practically strangers. However, the couple looks out for companionship and happiness in their relationship. Arranged marriages emphasize on the need to learn to love their partner hence not chance of unrealistic expectations.
According to UNICEF Human rights council, (2012), 55% of marriages in the world are arranged with India having 90% of arranged marriages. In terms of divorce, only 1.1% divorces occur in India, whereas in the US divorce rates are significantly high with 3.4 divorces per a population of 1000 individuals. In arranged marriages, the couple takes time to resolve their marital problem as the marriage involves the entire community (Statistics brain, 2012). Arranged marriages involve bringing two families together to become one. The couple in arranged marriage has to think beyond the relationship between the two of them. Critics, however, argue that such family extensions leave individuals trapped in loveless marriages for life. The rates of divorce in arranged marriages may be, but divorce can still occur. However, unlike non arranged marriages where any situation e.g. falling out of love, can be a cause for divorce, divorce in arranged marriage occurs when there is no alternative. One example is when there is proof of adultery in marriage.
People in arranged marriages are happier than those in non-arranged marriages because the foundation of their union is based on a similar belief system. Arranged marriages occur in foreign cultures such as Japanese, Muslim and Indian culture. When arranging the marriage the extended family looks out for partners that are suitable for their children. In the Indian culture, for instance, a high caste family will look for another family of the same caste. This similarity ensures that neither the groom nor the bride’s family feels manipulated into the arrangement. It also ensures that the couple in the arranged union share the same lifestyle hence reduced risk of conflict (Barker, 2011). In a non-arranged marriage, the freedom of choice of a marriage partner increases the risk of meeting a partner who does not suit one’s expectation. In the end, the couple finds themselves in an unhappy marriage where their beliefs and interests conflict.
Critics against arranged marriage give it a subjective approach when they claim such a union denies the groom or bride the freedom of choice. Critics also argue that arranged marriages lack love hence force the groom or the bride to live an unhappy life. However, arranged marriages lead to happy couples as the partners are from the same societal background hence exposed to the same lifestyle. The couple also gets to engage in a fulfilling journey, in pursuit of happiness and love. In the end, couples in arranged marriages grow in love hence happier than those in non-arranged marriages who risk growing out of love. Happiness is the key towards a successful marriage and cultures engaging in arranged marriages train their children to seek happiness and love in marriages. Traits such as hard work, tolerance, and patients are the key aspects that ensure individuals in arranged marriages live in happiness. Unfortunately, these aspects are not adequately emphasized in non arranged marriages where family members rarely participate in courting, dating and marriage of the couple.
Work Cited
Barker, E. (2011). Are arranged marriages happier? Business Insider
Bentley, P. (2011). Why an arranged marriage is more likely to develop into lasting love. Daily mail UK
Statistics brain, (2012). Arranged marriage statistics. Retrieved on 1st Dec 2012 from http://www.statisticbrain.com/arranged-marriage-statistics/
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