A letter to Sheila’s Two Teenage Children
My recovery process has been so tough because I miss you very much. Even though I may have neglected you while I was still an alcoholic, the fact remains that I love you two so much. You should know that you are the source of my strength and the desire to live through the entire recovery process. I feel sad that am now separated from you and really long for the day that I can hold and see you again. To make up for the feeling of loneliness and emptiness, I have decided to develop a hobby which is reading novels. So far I have read three novels. This step has proved to be effective but I know it can never replace you, my children.
I feel ashamed about how I treated you while I was an alcoholic. I know I never gave you the much attention you desired. Am so sorry for not giving you the love and care, which you greatly needed. I promise to make up for all that if only you can give me a chance to do so. The desire to make it up to you motivates me to stick to the recovery program. It is gives me the hope of us being together as a family once again. It also gives me the motivation to be a good mother to you. I have decided to look forward to the future. This is because I realized that I can never change the past. This realization and acceptance gives urge to stick to the recovery program.
I know that while I was still an alcoholic, I could not make good decisions for myself and for you. I believe that by the time my recovery process is over, I can make rational decisions for you two and for myself. The recovery will also enable me to build my self-image and feel good about myself. However, I have the doubt and fear of the uncertainty. I am not sure whether you can still accept me as your parent after every thing that has happened in the past. Am also not sure that I can regain the much trust that you had in me. I have a fear that I could lose you forever and I do not want that to happen. You are everything I live for.
Despite all the fear, I trust in myself and I believe that one day everything will be fine. I sometimes blame myself for making the wrong choices in terms of choosing a husband and deciding to abuse alcohol. I at times become angry at myself for letting you go through hardship and difficulties. At the end of it all, the fact remains that I was an addict and I desire to change that. This anger motivates me to maintain my recovery process and be a better parent to you. I also believe that my anger and disappointment should not prevent me from being my best today.Am so much grateful to your father for the good care that he is giving you while am in the recovery process. If it were not for him, I do not know what would have happened to you. Despite the relationship strains that the two of us had, I believe that it is worth giving him a token of appreciation. I love you so much and take care of yourselves.
Reference
Retrieved from http://www.coaf.org/family/parents%20in%20recovery/common%20feelings.htm on 27thNov, 2010.
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