Peer Case Studies’ Reviews
Peer Review: Case one
Case one’s author has a thesis that highlights the importance of planning a recruitment process early enough in order to avoid inconveniencies. The thesis is not clearly stated, because he has only posed the subject which is the importance of preparation. However, he has not given the reader a clear view of how he/she intends to prove that preparation is indeed equally important to the actual recruitment. The thesis also lacks a clear firm stand because apart from its assertion the writer should have given a brief support to it with a strong cause-effect statement (Boris & Douglas, 2008). The author should have avoided making just a plain statement and take a strong stand. As an example he/she could have written: Adequate preparation in recruitment is essential for a successful recruitment process because it supports the actual recruitment process. This is exemplified below by the failure of Carl Robins to carry out a successful recruitment due to lack of adequate preparation. The essay’s body slightly digresses from the topic by dwelling too much on details of the recruitment carried out by Carl instead of firstly explaining the essence of a good preparation. The Carl’s example should have only come in as supporting evidence to proof assertions made. The author should first dwell on the importance of the preparation then prove by Carl’s example and finally draw a conclusion.
The selected sentences below show the kind of problems that the author has: run on sentences, tenses and subject verb agreement problems.
1. “Should have had a better plan after successfully recruited several employees.”
2. “Carl should have started immediately to follow- up with the pending files such as requiring the candidates to complete the applications or the transcript; communicating with the clinic and scheduling for the mandatory drug screen to the candidates, and giving them the deadline for submitting the documents before June 15. However, he did not start reviewing the document until May 31, 15 days after Monica’s contact.”(Run-on- Sentences)
The author’s closing strategy was wisely and effective. He/she chose to conclude by give a narration on how a perfect exemplary preparation would have been done to facilitate a smooth recruitment. This is because it serves to review the thesis statement as the conclusion is made as a way of providing a solution. The essay conveys a message but the order of the argument is jumbled up and it requires whoever is reading it to try and piece up the points throughout the essay. This is contrary to what a persuasive essay should be-one that argues out a stand coherently and in a flowing manner. Therefore, to catch the interest of the reader he/she should organize the work in flowing persuasive sequence that sticks to the objective of proving the thesis assertion. According to Boris and Douglas (2008) a conclusion should wrap up the whole story while trying to offer solutions to problems.Peer Review: Case two
The author’s thesis is either not clear or does not exist at all. However, there is a mention of the problem in recruitment. This is because he/she does not state the problem statement that he/she wishes to solve throughout the essay. He also does not state his/her stand as an author or the direction he/she wishes to take throughout the essay. In order to have a clear thesis the author should formulate a problem statement then state the problem, it causes and how he/she believes a solution can be found (IndianaUniversity, 2008). The essay does not stick to the topic whose main agenda was to prove the importance of preparation in the recruitment process. The writer digresses at the point where he/she dwells too much on writing about the problem of ABC Incorporation instead of using their example as a means to prove his thesis statement. A piece of advice for the author is that he/she should concentrate on giving the importance with illustration of the example rather than writing about its failure. The author has some problems with the structure of the sentences that he/she uses as depicted by these examples:
“.Following up the employees daily or weekly if possible.”(Sentence fragments problem). The author should try to write complete sentences).
The conclusion of the writing is effective because it goes back to the analysis of the root cause of the problems and tries to offer solutions to the problems. This is an effective finish that offers answers to the problem posed by the thesis statement. The writer has a clear idea of what he/she wants to express but the problem is that he/she does not order his/her points sequentially in a manner that will give a smooth flow as he/she builds her/his case in the thesis statement.
References
IndianaUniversity. (2008). Writing Tutorial Services. Viewed at, http://www.indiana.edu/~wts/pamphlets/thesis_statement.shtml, on 8th May 2010.
Boris, K. and Douglas, G. (2008). Title Writing an A+ research paper: a roadmap for beginning and experienced writers. Prestwick House Incorporation.
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